I think my vagina is haunted
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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