I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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