quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize