In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
