just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
