I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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