Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
