So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
