i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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