If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
