we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize