My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
