we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
