We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
