I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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