just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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