fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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