If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just pynch a tree in the face
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
