I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
