Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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