glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize