I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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