what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
