he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize