I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
