she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
