If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
