I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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