I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
