you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize