so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize