he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
