you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
