One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
