you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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