she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's like iHOP with fire
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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