I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
