I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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