I want to make a zoo with you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
