stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
