How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
