Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
