No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
