Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
