let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
