Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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