Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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