I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
