I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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