we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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