He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
