just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
