false alarm. still invincible.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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