Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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