Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
