At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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