his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
