I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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