well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
