dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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