What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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