You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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