wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
