so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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