I'm going to jail i love you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
