i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
