my mouth tastes like poor choices
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
