i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
