It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
