we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
