theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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