even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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