Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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