xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
