Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
