stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And then he peed in my hair
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
