I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize